Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
