Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
