I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
