so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
