bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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