If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
