He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
