oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
