I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
