we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
