hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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