you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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