I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
