Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
