I'm so fucking centered right now
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
