I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
