i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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