and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
