She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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