I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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