your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
