Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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