I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
