Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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