I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
