if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
