You made me cry and you don't even care
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Randomize
