why didn't you poke me back
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
