I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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