He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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