I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm always down for nudity.
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