I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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