there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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