god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you mean i was at the winter classic?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
