oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
