answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
