THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
