Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You pole danced in your parka.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
