i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
