we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
