I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
