So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
