Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
