if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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