Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
