if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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