i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
