So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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