I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
