party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
