You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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