Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
